I Ain’t Gonna Do It

When Saddam Hussein was captured I refused to write a column about it because every columnist in the world had written one. So it is with the death of Michael Jackson. I refuse to be a part of publicizing the death of a pervert.

I refuse to comment on all the children he corrupted by feeding them alcohol and other unspeakable acts against them during ‘sleep-overs”. Thanks only to a liberal, celebrity worshipping jury MJ was not in prison.

I won’t tell you how cute MJ was during his early years. He was the star of the Jackson Five, a pop group made up of his brothers and himself. They had several big rock and roll hits in the 1960’s. Even a future redneck like me could appreciate the talent.

I’ll pass on telling you how something went wrong in MJ’s life. And about how he wanted to be white so bad he bleached his skin and underwent many plastic surgeries to alter his appearance. And forget about hearing from me how something caused his nose to fall off necessitating the use of prosthesis.

And never will I bring up his celebrity marriage to Lisa Marie Pressley, the daughter of the real King, Elvis. I took this as absolute proof that Elvis is really dead. If he had been alive he most assuredly would have surfaced when he got the wedding invitation. He then would have died.

So don’t turn to me looking for me to write sympathetic words about this freak. I ain’t gonna do it.